This is a question that I have been asking myself for decades with no good answer. In my own pursuit to know a God or at least find a working description of God, I have found myself completely lost in religious literatures. I have had endless conversations on the subject matter with my fellow beings who claim to know the Gods.
And over time, I have come to realise that most of us have no real idea of what a God is. I have come to a safe conclusion that we have somehow managed to create a God in our own image. So therefore, a God reflects human thinking, and what we as humans expect that God to be.
Somehow as a society we decided that, it is religion that should define and describe a God. Therefore, the only way to know a God is through a religion, or at least becoming a follower of a religion. We have left it to religious scholars to help us understand God without ever asking ourselves, is religion the only way to know a God ?
While religion has served a good purpose, it has also managed to bitterly divide the society, and humans have paid heavily. Even today, the society finds itself divided over religious beliefs and ideologies. I am extremely confident in making a conclusion that letting religion take over the pursuit of God wasn’t a prudent idea. Millions of ours own have died serving a religion, fighting a battle they thought was holy.
In my opinion we have let ourselves down. As I see it, no religion is more valuable than a human life, and no human is ever created to serve a religion.
My own pursuit of God started when I realised that, maybe to know a God, I should first unlearn the idea of a God that I have inherited from religion and religious preachings. And I must admit, it isn’t easy at all. The narrative gets a strong hold of you especially if you come from a culture that has a lot of religious inputs. Some of it becomes part of your nature.
I remember fearing if I am going to offend a God by leaving my religious pursuit to know God. And thankfully that punishment never came, which sort of embolden me to carry on with my quest of knowing a God outside of religion. That quest over time brought me to nature, and the more I observed nature at work, the more I found myself attracted to its magic.
There I was mesmerised by nature and all its creation. My mind couldn’t be more happier. And the learning was non stop. I felt the urge to communicate with plants and trees, to talk with animals and understand them better. To find a way to talk with Earth and get to know its story first hand. I would sit in open space looking at the stars wondering if I could communicate with the universe. But I am afraid, I couldn’t do any of that. I would feel sad for days, but then I realised perhaps science will help, and surely it did to some extent.
I got to learn more about the stars, the trees, earth, life and the hunger to learn more and more got me hooked. It was a fascinating experience, and I remember feeling empty and annoyed with myself, if I didn’t get a chance to spend time in nature with nature. Come rain or shine, I felt the constant urge to be with nature.
By learning about nature, I started to learn about myself. And I realised that I don’t even know myself. So I decided to spend time with myself everyday. Sitting under a tree or just sipping a cup of cappuccino, I would just let my mind be free.
Free from who and what I thought I was. I remember my mind wanting to merge with the mind of the universe. I was so desperate to communicate with nature and the universe. But all I could do is create thoughts inside my mind, and that thought would then evolve into an extremely complex thought, as if somehow it created a life of its own.
Hundreds of thoughts wanting to become a reality inside my mind exploring every possibility that my mind could imagine. Being inside my imagination became my favourite thing to do. But I also had to live, and pay for that living. So I did that. However, I did notice that I am changing somewhat. I remember being in business meetings, and somehow connecting to people differently. It was a beautiful experience to realise that people I am trying to discuss business with are also the creation of the same nature that I am so much in love with.
I didn’t know how to describe nature and the universe, so I would refer to nature as my grandMa. And before falling asleep I would urge my mind to connect to grandMa and tap into all the knowledge and wisdom that is probably out there. I would do the same after getting up in the morning.
My mind would wonder, and go to places that I could have never imagined. But that also meant more and more questions, and no good answers. I lost interest in religion, money and many of the ideas or goals that most of us live for. I found myself imagining getting sucked inside a black hole and becoming nothing. I realised all this while I was a prisoner inside of my own mind. And learning to become a nobody sort of liberated me from myself and the society at large.
Everyday that I lived, I lived knowing that I will die one day, so I learnt to prioritise what I considered was more important to me. And spending more time with nature and myself became one of my topmost priority. I didn’t want to die without knowing myself, and I wanted to know that I am indeed living enough before I finally die.
So the world was no longer occupying a large part of my headspace and people were no longer living inside my mind rent free. I managed to free all that headspace for myself. And I learnt to let a life live through me. I came to a realisation that my life is in fact a byproduct of my own choices and decisions. And therefore, I can’t really blame others including my fate or the Gods.
From there on, I realised that existence has to be a purpose, and the core universal law making everything possible has to be the “ universal law of existence “. So anything and everything including nothing has the same right to exist, because the universal law of existence makes it possible. Therefore, my life and death has to exist.
A God has to also exist and not exist at the same time, because the universal law of existence allows for it. To me nature is by far, one of the most sophisticated intelligence out there. The fact is, we all come from nature and nature is our true home. Collectively we are part of nature and nature is part of us including whatever we have created.
Nature found a way to create a heaven on a space ship called earth. So we are living in a heaven made by heavenly bodies. We are a product of nature’s imagination and tireless effort. An experiment inside an experiment.
Physiologically, we are not designed to survive outside the protection of our heaven called Earth. But we will find a way to venture out, and perhaps take nature with us. Maybe one day, we will learn to take care of each other along with nature and its creation. And hopefully, we will find a way to fall in love with ourselves and the space ship called the earth that has continued to nurture us without asking for anything in return.
The universal law of existence made my existence possible, and the same law will also enable my death to become a reality one day. Existence and non existence are both made possible because of the universal law of existence. To me, a God is not just one thing or one thought, it has to be everything, just like nature. If you take way its creation then you take away the nature. Quite possibly the most advanced intelligence system that our minds could ever imagine.